As magical practitioners, how we conceive of our magick, how we conceive of the results, and how we define ourselves matters greatly to the outcome of our workings. Our magick is meant to be an expression of our individual will over reality, but what happens when none of the definitions you’re presented with fit you? It prompts an exercise in self-definition to help refine your own self-understanding.
Identity Crises
From junior high school, I have followed role-playing games (RPGs), starting with Dungeons & Dragons, 1st Ed. (before it was even called 1st Ed.). These games encouraged players to define themselves using a number of criteria. Their physical, mental, and spiritual attributes were built on statistics, affected by their chosen race or sub-race, and further modified by the profession or character class you chose. Often, these professions helped define your role in the gaming party, and, in the story, your role in that gaming world.
As an escape from a world that was hostile to my identity as a gay kid and teenager, I dove into the fantasy of role-playing worlds readily. As an impressionable and sensitive kid, this model of character creation formatted my subconscious to a degree. Confronted with owning an identity that the world clearly didn’t appreciate, I constantly tried to define myself, redefine myself, transform myself into some kind of identity that would blend.
The need to define my identity basically turned into sexual fetishes, where I sought out ways to relinquish my identity to stronger, more authoritative men as their submissive or slave. I sought experiences out that many would find self-destructive to at least traumatizing, but I adapted. Most of these attempts toward becoming a submissive or slave failed; now I believe the impulses were misguided attempts to…to…what, exactly? Settle on a definition of identity.
This need to define myself would wax and wane; as an identity become stale or useless, I would shed it and seek out the next one. I would always retain some core sense of self, so these identities weren’t completely new creations. They were just ways to define the self I felt I was in terms that others might understand.
Lucifer’s Example
When I became a Theistic Luciferian, I delved into the mythology of Lucifer and vibed with the idea of aggressive self-determination and individualism. Maybe the constant defining of myself wore me out over time, since none of them really seemed to fit well. Maybe I just wanted to BE without all the questioning.
I styled myself a “Black Magician,” having given up on the idea of being a Wiccan practitioner, witch, druid, or shaman. The cultural markers were not there or I’d had seriously destructive experiences with groups of said practitioners. Yet, I still did magic. I would still meditate, still call upon powers beyond myself, still cast spells. I started as a “demonolator,” but that label quickly become “Black Magician.”
Once again, I was trying to find a label that fit my style of magic, my style of Luciferianism. I joined a forum, BecomeALivingGod (BALG), It’s a good forum. I’ve read a lot of posts there and still frequent the topics, looking for how others have cast spells, how they have acquired power, and how they continue to strive.
But…
I did not find a reflection of myself there. Like anyone seeking community, I sought a place where I would fit in, where my own life experiences could be contextualized in terms of the life experiences of others for our mutual, greater understanding. I didn’t find a large LGBTIA+ population there. I didn’t find a large kink or BDSM-oriented population there. As my spiritual experiences are grounded in these dimensions, I thus, didn’t find what I sought.
Arcane versus Divine/Infernal
In the game systems that had formatted my brain for 20-30 years of role-playing, the magic-systems drew a clear line between two types of magic: Arcane and Divine/Infernal. Arcane magic is fueled by learning and tapping into natural arcane energies through scholarship, dedication, and learning. Divine/Infernal magic is granted through the intercession of a supernatural being who grants the energies to a Priest because of their worship.
Mages, Wizards, Sorcerers, etc. use arcane magick; Priests, Clerics, Shamans, etc. use divine/infernal magick. Now, I know that using these terms to define “real-world” magick or faith-based demonolotry is inherently problemmatic. These terms are gaming terms that apply to in-game characters and not to the real breadth of human experience. Yet, they were also not created in a vacuum from human experience and might be shallow, reductive tags, but that doesn’t mean they don’t fit as a short-hand.
When I look at most of the BALG posts and watch the YouTube videos by E.A.Koetting, one of the founders of the site, I get a sense that most of them see themselves as Black Magicians. It’s where I picked up the term and started using it to apply to myself. They believe that through meditation, the careful practice of sorcery, and communing with — but never being direct subservient to — demonic (and other) spirits, they can gain the knowledge they need over the material world to ascend from it.
I believe their goals are possible. But, after a lot of soul-searching I’ve come to see the differences between the methods they espouse and how I feel my path is taking me.
Black Cleric
I have a deep connection to my demonic Patrons and I work to find ways to exalt them in my daily life, bringing their energies and their favor to me to manifest. While i haven’t made definite, clearly defined pacts with them that have a time-table and an end, I instead seek to serve them. This lies in contrast to what’s expressed by other Black Magicians in that they “work with” their patrons, but have drawn the line at actually being in servitude to them.
On a personal level, I feel differently. I serve my Patrons. Maybe it’s a manifestation of my BDSM leanings to want to be of service or to feel the weight of their authority as a positive, calming, influence of safety. I feel their energies given to me because of these exaltations. So, being a “Black Magician” doesn’t quite seem to fit as a descriptor.
Prompted by some dream work and quite suddenly in a conversation with my Magus, I put forth the concept of a Black Cleric, instead of a Black Magician. Honestly, it started as a “Black Monk,” conceptually an inversion of a Catholic Monk’s aesthetic nature to be an Infernal hedon instead. This fit on a purely sexual level, but I cast and hope to have a measure of the power that Black Magician’s have if my Patrons will it, so the concept evolved into “Black Cleric.”
So, what is a Black Cleric? Like all real religion, the relationships between the man and the Patrons, the ideas and the execution are personal and thus, variable. In keeping with Lucifer’s individualism, I wouldn’t want to hamper anyone’s self-expression by laying down a set of guideline for how to be one. As Lucifer teaches: find the definition within yourself, brother.
The chief ideas seems to be set forth above. If you feel that your magick and energy work happens because your Patrons will it and you feel that you are in service to them on a basis more than a pact, then you might also be a Black Cleric. If magick is a religious practice to you, bolsters your spirit, and is not just a powerful intellectual exercise, then you might also be a Black Cleric.
The declaration of myself as Black Cleric helps reframe how I think about interacting with the Patrons in an exciting way. Some of my practices already take this meaning of servitude into account, but the practices that felt stale or not quite right are now exposed and can be fixed.
Thus, it’s an evolution, an upward turn of the spiral that acknowledging the term and trying to live within it brings.
