Content regarding religion, spirituality, worship, etc.
After 108 days of NoFap, I relapsed. It’s hard to admit, honestly. But following the tenets of the 12-step philosophy means to engage in “ruthless honesty,” so I’m admitting the lapse. Because my pledge involved my primary patron, Marbas, I experienced both mundane and magical consequences. The lapsed happened two weeks ago and I spent … read more
It’s been three weeks and I admit that I have been blocked in my progress. While I am willing to take accountability for righting my defects, exactly how to right them has eluded me somewhat. While I have a vague vision of establishing a code of ethics and behavior to guide my actions, preventing the … read more
Last night, through a combination of logistical factors, I didn’t sleep well. I had several unsettling dreams and record them here. All of these are NSFW and are fragments that have no beginning or end. These are either just snippets of my subconscious knocked loose by my general state of arousal (Day 100 of NoFap!) … read more
As with any large spiritual change, time must be taken to synthesize the changes and weave them through your life. Surrendering to Lucifer opened me to an influx of energies, some familiar, some new and it has taken a lot to integrate these into a smooth flow. I believe that nothing comes to you unless … read more
My last post from two week ago contained a tarot reading that pointed me to the problem I had stalling out working the steps. I had felt a blockage at Step 6, the step about being willing to surrender to my greater powers. It pointed to my ego being in the way. Turns out that … read more
I’ve always been attracted to the tarot and when I have complicated questions, I sometimes engage the cards to help me understand myself and situations on a subconscious, intuitive level. I did what I thought would be enough for a Step 6, but my sponsor disagreed. He gave me some advice, but it didn’t gel. … read more
My NoFap sponsor directed me to the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) text, It Works: How and Why, to prepared for my Step 6. I picked up a copy from Amazon on my Kindle and read the Step 6 chapter. Immediately, I remembered my previous Step 6 from years ago, and more importantly, who I used to … read more
We’re living in a time of plague, the Spring and Summer of 2020, where the Covid-19 virus flows around the United States on the breath of those exposed or sick. Marbas, a demon associated with the giving and curing of disease, has been empowered. I have word from other practitioners that other demons are likewise … read more
The astral experiences I’m now calling “Riding the Pipe Horse” came to fruition last night; for reference, here is Part 1 and Part 2 of the experience. In it, I am bound in the Palace of Asmodai, having an apotheosis experience with him as part of an ongoing spiritual evolution.
Yesterday, I had the privilege of video chatting with Jack Drago, my mentor and Satanic Priest, to go over my defect inventory as part of my Step 5. While much of that conversation was private, I believe my post on the Step 4 inventory goes over much of my part of it. Because I’m documenting … read more