When I encountered the Left-Hand Path (LHP) of Occult Knowledge, the socialization that came with it led me toward a certain arrogance and autonomy. The path required that I be fiercely independent and to regard myself as a magical powerhouse whose will could bend the material world. Entities were there to be treated with, but never worshiped — THAT smacked of the Right-Hand Path (RHP) of traditional religion and was thus, anathema. Like Lucifer, I should not bow to anyone or anything, but should treat with every being as equals. I embraced some of this mentality, but never all of it. I couldn’t stop myself from developing a reverence for entities I with whom I had a sympatico mindset. Maybe it was my natural submissive nature asserting itself. I chose to accept this quality of myself, this need to revere and worship.

Giving Up

It’s unclear to me why LHP practitioners regarding the reverence of spiritual entities, demons or gods as lessening their power. I can understand it as a reaction to RHP mentality, which to my experience comes with healthy doses of spiritual, emotional, and mental abuse; but if this is the only reason, it feels as if the LHP practitioner is robbing themselves of a possible relationship format with the entities that has it’s own unique rewards. Either way, it’s always difficult to make generalized statements about the experiences of others, especially on such subjective subjects. I honor what other practitioners feel is right for them; I just can’t quite relate to it. 

When I encountered Marbas for the first time, his presence overwhelmed me in a positive way. I knew what I wanted from him — to add spiritual context and magical force behind my body improvements — and I figured there would be a price, as with all pacts with demons. So, I projected myself before Marbas and assumed a submissive posture. It took awhile of that before Marbas engaged me, but, when he did, I got what I wanted. I mean that not only did I get his assistance with the immediate ask of enhancing my body, but also what I had wanted for a much longer time: a real connection with a spiritual entity. 

Since my Catholic days, I had yearned for a meaning, a greater context into which I could place my existence and life experiences. But, I felt robbed of that because Catholicism rejected my existence so completely that it ruined RHP religions for me. As I’ve detailed in other posts, I tried  other spiritual paths and practices to no avail, until I came to Theistic Luciferianism.

Sacrifice

The act of surrendering came naturally to me. In some ways, it’s harder for me to take a stand and be fiercely assertive than it is for me to acquiesce to the will of another. I’ve used the analogy many times that “I’m not the captain, I’m the First Officer. I’m not the king, I’m the court wizard.” So, the idea and act of surrendering feels natural to me, but this often feels contrary to the messaging of the LHP practices. 

I won’t say that I’ve made a perfect peace with these mixed messages. I’ve had it said that exercising my will by actively surrendering is valid, but other LHP practitioners don’t seem to agree (not that it necessarily matters that they don’t). I’ve had it said that, by subverting my will to greater power than I’m stunting my own development of power, but then I have felt empowered by the entities to whom I submit. So, maybe it evens out. 

In the end, I try to focus on what feels natural to me, regardless of the opinions of other practitioners. I take the main Luciferian principle of “Do As Thou Wilt” seriously here. I decide myself to what authority I submit and what authority I reject. 

It feels to me, that all pacts with demons or spirits involve an exchange of some sort. It feels to me, that all magical acts in themselves involved an exchange of power or actions to bring about change. Nothing happens in a vacuum. Nothing changes if will is not actively exerted. 

Carrying this idea forward, sacrificing something a demon requires that the sacrificed thing by of value, else why bother? The thing must be of value to the demon, or else why would it want the thing? Knowing what I wanted from Marbas — a bigger, thicker body of sexualized muscle — I really had no idea what Marbas himself would want from me to secure his backing of the project. 

Then he told me point blank. 

I have found Marbas to be both aloof and very forthright. He seems to ignore my requests until he chooses to acknowledge it, but when he does, he does so in force. Is his aloofness a test? Is he waiting for me to prove myself through action?  I went through a period where I exalted him at every workout, dedicating the lifting experience as a ritual itself in his name. In the end, it got his attention. 

Much later, he appeared to me rather suddenly and made his command: stop masturbating. 

Surrender

I have tried and failed to adhere to this requirement before. This time, I’m taking a formal stance at altering the behavior by applying the 12-Step methodology made famous in Alcoholics Anonymous programs. My mentor and sponsor for this activity, JackDrago, has tasked me with meditating on how I rely on my “higher power,” in this case, Marbas. 

Interpreting the traditional Third Step through a LHP lens and incorporating my spiritual experience, I know that I have to surrender something of value to Marbas as part of our ongoing pact of being “his beast.” He has made his request, so the thing I must sacrifice is obvious: my habit of fapping. 

As an LHP practitioner myself, I willfully agree and actively comply with this requirement. I have been NoFap for 19 days as of the writing of this post, but know that this decision needs reinforcement through my spiritual practice. In this case, designing a ritual or an incantation feels necessary to really make the pact work. Even the RHP folks have this, because there is a Third Step prayer that those in the traditional 12-step programs recite as a mantra when needed. 

Here’s the incantation I have designed for myself to honor my agreement with Marbas:

HAIL, Marbas!

Hail Black Lion of the Twilight Veld!
I am your beast, Lord Marbas!

In gratitude, I sacrifice my self-pleasure to you
That I may create a space within me for your power to inhabit
As it will transform me into a freakish muscle fuckbeast!

In awe, I accept alignment to your will
That I may relinquish my self-destruction to you
As it will deliver me from isolation and regret!

HAIL, Marbas!

One of my goals is to craft a daily practice for my honoring of Marbas and my demonolatry in general. Creating this daily practice is part of the pact and relationship I’m forming with Marbas and thus, I’m committing to standing before my altar on a daily basis and reciting this incantation. There’s something I’ve said to others before: “We are what we do.” So, doing this practice will create the pattern of behavior that will change who I am.