There’s upheaval in my life, but this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing. As the political crisis in the country begins to move on (much left to do), I am tasked with levelling-up since my Annunciation (Part 1, Part 2). While I have been working on my Black Clerical Ministry through observance of the Winter Solstice and by working with fellow LHP practitioners (Post 1, Post 2),  I had not counted on how this levelling up energy would begin to affect all of my alters and the system as a whole. Neglected parts of myself reared up and violated some aspects of my pacts with certain Patrons, apparently out of sheer willfulness. Now I am left working through the consequences and looking forward on how to continue celebration of Theistic Luciferianism throughout the year.

Celebrating

When I practiced the Wiccan faith, I observed the astronomical/astrological quarters and cross-quarters of the years (Equinoxes, Solstices, and cross-quarters), all of which have a distinct holiday associated with it. As a Theistic Luciferian, I have the urge to find ways to celebrate my faith, but balk at accepting these same holidays at face value.

Mythologically, the holidays are tried to ancient agrarian cycles and follow the conception, birth, maturation, eventual harvest, and the loss of the Sun King through the obvious mirror of the physical European Seasons. There’s also a RHP echo of this cycle through the Abrahamic mythology of Christ’s birth and life, an adoption of the the Sun King.

In our modern dystopia, where even the seasons can’t be counted on to actually manifest because of global climate change, I find myself balking at adopting the Wiccan holidays. It’s the echo of my failed Wiccan faith and the despised Abrahamic faith that provides this resistance, and I’m uncertain how to overcome the problem.

But, I have been tasked to study astrology and the holidays do occur on astrological and astronomical, calculated events. I feel like my answer lies there, but I am still a novice and finding the meaning — the Luciferian lens — through which to regard the event and how and why certain energies, certain castings could be made on these events — these elude me.

Who is Oak?

It’s no secret that I entered a pact with Marbas to relinquish my self-pleasure through the stopping of masturbation (NoFap). There remain real mental health aspects to why I engaged in this pact. There are real magical aspects to it as well. It has been supported by my Magus and he included the subject in my Annunciation ritual. It has been a “done deal.” I made it 117 day.

I say “made it,” in the past tense, because last night I failed to maintain the pact. During a sexual ritual with my cock and ball pump, one of my alters, Oak, took over, started humping the pump tube itself, then removed it, got a handful of lube, and Fapped me to orgasm — exactly what the pact meant to avoid.

Who is Oak? A couple of years ago, during a heavy astral encounter with Marbas, my astral body was destroyed by him, but my essence retained. He tasked my Magus to rebuild me and, as an experiment, to create alters in my personality — to split off parts of me into entire other people who live in my head. My wholeness was apportioned out to them. Oak became my gooner, by chronic masturbation addict, the personality that housed all of my transformation fetishes, and thus, a shape-shifter and trickster personality.

Once created, Oak almost immediately went fallow, given my chastity and NoFap pursuits. He became my libido, locked away, existing for sex for sex’s sake. Then the Annunciation happened and all of my personality began levelling up. While I think my primary has gained traction becoming a Black Cleric, and Cal has rededicated himself to pushing us at the gym and minding our eating plan, Oak had nothing. So, I can’t be surprised when he asserted himself and Fapped. He felt frustrated and took it upon himself to deal with that.

The last time I broke the NoFap pact with Marbas, I suffered a backlash magically. I am bracing for something similar to happen, but oddly, it’s not, at least not yet. I’m wondering how I can sponsor Oak’s growth, how I can honor this part of myself and somehow uphold the pact.

To the Cards…

Whenever I have these types of quandaries, I turn to my primary divination method: the Tarot. Using again the Attend the Sabbath tarot deck, I asked my questions. Usually, I have a deliberate process when dealing with the cards, a shuffling technique I prefer to activate their energy, and some ritual around the casting of the cards themselves. This time, not so much. After awakening in the morning at about 3:30 a.m., I almost immediate felt drawn to the cards, and I flipped them out with much more abandon. I think this speaks to the urgency of the issues or maybe it was  just a “wild casting.”

This means that the questions I asked were more intuitive and free-form, only taking wording after the fact as I recorded the reading. Also, when the first three cards were pulled, they were all reversed — speaking to a certain negativity, so I pulled a couple of “clarification” cards to help clarify the negativity and/or how it could be mitigated.

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Card 1 — How do I observe Imbolc — IX of Vessels (reversed) — Lucifer offers all the pleasures and desires the practitioner has requested, fulfilling his end of the bargain, but a force keeps the practitioner from actively partaking of them; a possible addiction or vice keeps you from partaking of it.

Card 2 — Clarification on the Observance of Imbolc —  Lord of Staffs (reversed) — The worst kind of person, prejudiced, bigoted, misogynistic, whose energy is corrupt and his archaic, conservative, fundamentalist viewpoint is destructive.

Card 3 — What is the Consequence of Fapping — XII Marked Man (reversed) — Resistance to being accepted and knighted by the Patrons; Resistance to spirituality; Indecision and Arrogance; Delays

Card 4 — Clarification on Consequence of Fapping, How can it be Mitigated — VI Love (reversed) — Narcissism, selfishness and the inability to commit; lust versus love;

Card 5 — What is Oak’s Next Level — II The High Priestess — The power of intuition and guidance from the unseen world; Skill in both mundane and magical arts; Feminine force of the Ether.

The Wiccan celebration of Imbolc revolves around the return of the light to the world after the darkness of the Winter’s Solstice. From an agrarian standpoint, the period in February marks the birthing time of farm animals, so the symbolism of a fresh-start, a new year, a greater beginning endures. Having no real resonance with said agrarian markers and not interested in procreation or it’s cycles, I find this symbolism to be hollow and meaningless. I search instead for a meaning that is more astrology-based and more Luciferian based.

But the cards speak otherwise. The Patrons held up their bargain. What I sacrificed for, I gained — in theory. All of the pleasures and desires I requested are there in vessels from which I can drink and the Patrons sit and watch me for what I’ll do. Yet I don’t [IX of Vessels (reversed)]. Why? What stands in my way?  It’s personified as a wildly destructive personality, but I’m unconvinced it’s a real person. Could the qualities refer to myself? To Oak? To some remnant of RHP qualities that I’m still excising? It’s unclear [Lord of Staffs (reversed)].  This lack of clarification itself must be meditated upon to gain the answer.

Even moreso, am I applying the symbolism of this card to the wrong issue? It feels like, while I attempted to gain clarification on how to celebrate Imbolc, that I’m referencing the Fap by Oak instead. Or are these issues intertwined through more than temporal happenstance, given Imbolc is only a week away?

When I take up the issue of the Fap by Oak, I am shown that I have resistance to the receipt of spiritual power by my Patrons, possible just Marbas [XII Marked Man (reversed)]. Clearly, Fapping broke my pact. Clearly, Oak committed a deliberate, willful mistake by Fapping. He turned away from the pact when he knew the action he took would break it. He resisted the influx of spiritual power out of what? spite? narcissism? an overabundance of lust [VI Love (reversed)]?

Oak was frustrated. Being the repository of my personality’s lust, but being prohibited from engaging in the most common form of male sexuality, masturbating, clearly overwhelmed him and left him willful. So, how to quell his frustration? I must find a role for Oak or let Oak find his own role. A direction is suggested by the cards. As Oak had become the “dumbness catcher” for my fetish desires to become a dumb jock, for becoming a “goontard” through excessive masturbation, there’s a certain “mindlessness” that became part of Oak’s being. Over many recent meditations, I have purposefully engaged Oak when I meditated or tranced while using the pump. By allowing him space to express himself, he gained new levels of autonomy (hence the opportunity he took over yesterday).

My system and spirituality traditionally focused on the masculine. Most of my more recent goals revolved around becoming more masculine, expressed through body building, steroids, and becoming a “fuckbeast.” I have eschewed venerating spirits that presented as feminine, goddesses, etc. because the resonance never quite spoke to me. If I break down the feminine aspect into it’s component parts, it’s about being intuitive and spiritually receptive. This goes on all levels, physically, intellectually, spiritual. It’s about wisdom gained from union with the unseen (II The High Priestess). There is obviously more development needed and a balancing of this role in our system required, but this role seems correct for Oak.

Conclusion

As to how to venerate Imbolc and how to understand Oak’s Fap, I am still unclear. As I’ve found with most things Luciferian, the answer will not present itself whole, it must be built. So, that will be my task in the near future. How do I take these answers and build something spiritual useful from them?